Why to:Not go to college
April 20, 2011 1 Comment
Why?:College is for suckers!
This clown went to a university to get a PhD in medicine. Guess where he’s headed now!
Greetings, everybody. So, you want to go to college, you know, get some big shiny degree, and a high paying job hanging around with sexy chicks, don’t you? Riding around in a Red Barchetta until the gas runs out and not giving a damn about those stupid enviormentalists and their pointless complaints? Well, tell you what. It ain’t going to happen! Because college is a complete scam invented by the Big 5 Corperation to lure idiots like you, (yes you!) to college for some “special degree” in some sort of “high paying” jobs. Only to find out it was a big waste of time and money because the professer was so fucking boring so you’ve decided to skip all of your classes. Not to mention spending money on your credit card with drugs and beer, and by your credit card, I mean your parents already maxed out credit cards. And soon, the next thing you know you’re either going to become a hobo who’s jobless drinking expired Whiskey from the dumpster. Or, you’ll probably be a fully pimpled and morbidly obese looser who gets a job at McDonalds and decides to move back to their parents. In which they loose their house, because the college you’ve went to wanted to add some nonexistant taxes on the funding to say, “Your choice of going back to school was great. Now go fuck yourselves because you just got punk’d, dumbasses!”. You see, a normal bill from college would basically be absurdly high, such as:
Dorm bill: $295,100
Screwing around w/people in bed: $2, 500
Existing: $589, 825, 905
Which is why I’ve decided to write an article, to give advice to all of you youngers of why college is for suckers. So that you would’nt be blamed on the ironies of the years of hard work in school.
Why to:Not go to college
Early known advertisement.
Many years ago in 1983 at Washington D.C, a group of mischeif professers and politicians were planning to pull of a million-dollar scam to target adults for some higher education for their kids. College companies since then have been advertising in magazines, billboards, and television; trying to convince children about how great would it be to have a sucessful life if you’d go get an application to the biggest colleges across the entire country of the United States. Their setback? No one actually even cared about these higher education gimmicks anyways! So it was a very hard road in the beginning, up until they decided to suck it up, sell their souls to Hollywood, and make an absurd commercial saying:
“Wanna party it up with some acholholic beer and have a good time until you wake up in the gutters with spiders crawling up in your butt? Then come to HARVARD! Where you can go to our College bars, Get some smoking hot people, and have sex with them at the same time getting a great education, that will get you a rocking job and tons, tons, tonnsss of money. So come to Harvard and get a degree! Unless if you want to end up as a drunken hobo?!”
~ Commercial spokes person on Harvard 1988
And just like that, millions of High School graduates were falling to their knees for a college degree; just like when the Germans fell for Hitler and his scheems. Too bad that theses dreams were all too good to be true because in just one second, those people went from young adult drinking junkies to homeless verments. Finding themselves in dead beat jobs for two weeks, only to be fired because of their aditudes towards the customers and public indecentcies (ie. Scratching their crotches and peeing in soda cups). So in order to keep raveling in kids to go to their baneful colleges, they all have added some girls with big boobs in their commericals. Why? To turn on guys and inspire women to go to college and get boob jobs, saying that if they get a big degree then they can attract and have sex with some hot bimbos and devil dolls (guys).
Hey boys, wants some babes? Then go to college and you can mabe touch them.
One of these things you need to know about these big universities, is that they try to sell to you the “ultimate educational experiance”. Which means that they sell that to every misguided folks like you (again YOU!). By enhancing this whole big experiance, many colleges include Harry Potter style dinning rooms, doorms, ornamental 5-star foods, etc. And what’s even more bat shit crazy is that they actually NAME those rooms. Yes, they name them “Le’ Spoile’ de Swave” (Dorms), Ol’ Kitchen Gournate” (Kitchen), and the classic, “Great Fupah’!” Oh, and they also have Golden Toilet seats named the Le Great Ol’ Dumpa’r”, (plays Moonriver whenever you use it). What many universities don’t even know, nor care, is that those names are gay and it turns off a lot of people in college. You see, they try to sell you all with every single fancy fantasy stuff because they want more money out of the students. So by the time the average student graduates from their universities, their credit card debts would be quadruple the amounts of as much they enrolled there in the first place.
Don’t believe me? Here is a very good example of a typical teenager who has graduated high school. So to impress more people, he decides to make money, and his middle-classes bitches he bullied in High School jealous by going to NYC University. There, he realizes that college is very boring so he starts to flunk in all of his classes. Good thing were are some nerds were so stupidly generous to do all of the teenagers homework, orelse all of this “higher education” would be worthless. At 24 he finally graduates that old dump, but sadly he found out that his parents lost all of their money and their house. One particular reason is that the teenager was maxing out their credit cards with parties, going to football stadiums, drugs, and other stuff in which was not at all on the bill the NYC would ever say. They have said it would only cost $900 dollars, but it turned out to be a fist full of $1,000,000 dallar lies. So now the teenager has to live homeless for the rest of his life, without any good paying job because his college degree was a fake. The end.
So why do they try to sell many of us the “ultimate educational experiance” you may ask? Well actually, they don’t as much as they do it today. Because of the fact that many of today’s teenagers see through many of their scams. So they instead (since 2008) target their parents to make up their minds about considering college for their high school graduate kids. Trying to tell them that college is a great tool for collosal success, and huge amounts of money. Which is why parents usualy pay up to 10 Thousand Dollars for their children to serve 6-8 years in some big higher school. The problem? The experiance is all so a fraud! In fact, at many of these univiersities, there are literaly classes about PLAYING GUITAR HERO!!!!!! You young readers think I’m really crazy and everything, but it’s true. Many of you going to college to be as god damn lazy as you were in your parents’ house. And to think that parents would believe that their children would learn anything more intellectual from this! What’s next, Facebook chatting and Twitter tweeting classes?
Here’s a bunch of typical wannabee football douchebags. Isn’t college so magical?
And why even bother about the education anyways? The only reason why young adults go to big schools is get drunken mad at Toga Parties and Colledge Football. It may be fun to party for a few couple of days, that is until the hangover kicks in but pretty soon you would think that life on campus is really a horrible place. Especially if you’re roomates with a bunch of drunken fat-frat guys who always give you swirlies in the toilet, shave your head, and teabag you relentlesley and put it on the Internet. Now do you really want to put up with that for the next 4 years? Now you’re thinking that college was not such a good idea after all, huh?
So what would be a better choice than to waste your four years in a big house? My advice is to choose your own life. Never give in to these corperate low lifes, and never be intimidated by those who went to college that are pressuring you to “make a difference”. Because remember this. All of them colleges are mostly built by crooked politicians these days (ie. Barack Obama) and they’re desperate to take away your families hard earned money. So be sure to kick them in the balls and say NO!
You see instead of going off to a university, you should start off small like getting a job as an Apple intern. If you do a great job, then mabe that good ol’ asssssburger man Bill Gates will promote you. Then once you’ve payed your dues working for him, then run an ontripanure company selling shoes that can trim your toenails (just an ex.). Now live your dream and do it now!