12 year old girl theory
May 1, 2011 Leave a comment
* DO NOT write songs with some sort of hidden meaning, 12 year old girls have not developed advanced brain functions yet (see all meaningful/legit artists)
* DO NOT write songs with excessive swearing/politically incorrect words, because their parents won’t buy the CDs (see Marilyn Manson)
* DO NOT write songs that encourage girls to keep their clothes ON.
* DO NOT write songs with more than five different words.
* DO NOT write songs that are happy, unless they were written under the influence of pixie stix or white cheddar popcorn
* DO NOT write songs that deal with any real world problems, remember to 12 year old girls the world is their school, Myspace and eating, then throwing the food back up to look socially acceptable in this world. This also means that you should not mention any other country in the world, which will also cause their parents to consider you “un-American” and refuse to buy your CDs.
* DO NOT write songs that go out of 4/4 time signature, change tempo, change key, or have a guitar solo.
* DO NOT write songs without the word “lips” in there somewhere
* DO NOT write about boys.
* DO NOT write anything that could be considered by a sane human being to be a song.
* DO NOT write songs that are about puppy love.
* DO write songs composed only of power chords. Unless you’re writing an acoustic song, then use only chords in the key of G.
* DO write songs that sound either EXACTLY or incredibly similar to every other alternative rock song on the radio. (see Justin Beiber)
* DO ignore musical ideas found in non mainstream music.